Improving Togetherness by Making Family Time a Scheduled Event

The first step to getting time together is scheduling Family Time like you would any important event. If you try to find time together you never will – you need to make time.

You may wish things could be more spontaneous. Unfortunately, that’s unrealistic. With five different lives each with different commitments, it’s not likely that you’ll suddenly end up with an unplanned group activity every week. I guess you could say you need to plan your spontaneity.

Start with a family meeting to determine what night and time work best for everyone. The goal is to set aside a block of at least 3 hours every week for a group activity. Or if that’s too much for your hectic schedules, at least twice a month should be the minimum. Usually, Sunday night is a good time when all the weekend activities have finally wound down. It often works best to keep the time consistent from week to week. But sometimes, you may want to schedule your time to attend a special event like a concert in the park.

Be sure to plan ahead to give everyone time to put Family Time on their schedule.

Once you’ve set a weekly Family Time appointment, it’s important to keep your appointment. Being consistent is everything. If you don’t guard this time, neither will your teenagers. Everyone needs to know how important this time is to you. You should lead by example.

Now that you have a time set, you need something to do together. I suggest you let each child pick an activity. Maybe one wants to play a game, one wants to go to the movies and another wants to go out to eat. Let everyone participate. Everyone is more likely to want to be involved in an activity if they feel they’ve been involved in planning it. No one wants to be told what to do – especially teenagers. This process also helps them learn to make good choices.

It’s a good idea to rotate weeks, giving each child the chance to make the final decision for that week’s activity. You’ll notice I didn’t include mom and dad in the decision-making rotation. You may want to toss in an occasional idea, but it’s important for parents to step back. You have the authority and leadership throughout the week. This is the one time a week the teenagers have the chance to decide what they want to do as a family.

You may need to be sensitive, at times. One child’s idea for an activity may not be appropriate for another child. As the leader, you’ll need to direct the discussion by saying something like: “That would be great for you and me to do together sometime. Perhaps something else would be a better family activity.”

Along with having regular Family Time you may want to consider incorporating this interactive technique into your vacation time planning. And just as it’s important to have group time, it’s important to have one-on-one time with each child to develop that relationship. That will happen more naturally.

I know this all sounds simple, It is. But it’s not easy. At times, there will be schedule conflicts and even personality conflicts. Be ready to work at it and not give up.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why should family time be scheduled?

With busy schedules pulling everyone in different directions, family time rarely happens on its own. Putting it on the calendar like any important appointment makes it far more likely to happen.

Is quantity of time really as important as quality time?

Yes. Meaningful moments tend to come out of regular, ordinary time together. Families that spend time together consistently have more chances to connect and to talk when problems come up.

How do we choose a family time that works for everyone?

Hold a short family meeting, compare schedules, pick a recurring night and time, and plan ahead so everyone can protect it.

What are good activities for family time?

Game nights, cooking a meal together, a walk or bike ride, a movie, a simple outing, or a shared project all work. Rotating who picks the activity keeps everyone invested.

What if family time keeps turning into conflict?

If time together often ends in arguments or someone withdraws, family counseling can help improve communication. Fox Valley Institute offers family counseling in Naperville and by telehealth across Illinois. Call (630) 718-0717 to get started.

Additional Resources:

https://fvinstitute.com/improving-togetherness-by-making-family-time-a-scheduled-event/
https://fvinstitute.com/stepfamily-life/
https://fvinstitute.com/setting-boundaries-can-bring-a-family-closer/
https://fvinstitute.com/5-tips-blended-families/
https://fvinstitute.com/the-dream-of-a-family-coping-with-infertility/