To Grieve Is to Be Weak? Why Grieving Openly Matters
Share this article:
Grief does not have to hold us in its grip, we can move through it. What are we to do with the feelings we have when we have to deal with loss? Sometimes we allow society to dictate how we deal with our feelings.
Society tells us
We are expected to be strong and courageous. Growing up, boys and men are often told “don’t cry, shake it off, just get back in there and play.” In “A League of Their Own” Tom Hanks’ famous quote, “There’s no crying in baseball” is a prime example of how to deal with emotions. Little boys are told they have to be “the man of the house” and have to “be strong and take care of your Mom now.” Older males are often told “It’ll be OK.
You have to be strong for your kids. Don’t let them see you cry.” Society expects us to avoid grief because it is a sign of weakness. When we say, “she is not coping very well” we seem to convey someone is failing in the grieving process if she directly expresses her sadness. We do not encourage others to cry, mourn, or openly express their pain.
We have things that need to be done.
“Well now that your husband is gone are you going to clear out the house and move to a smaller place?” “Now that you are alone maybe you should move to be closer to your children?” “How long has it been, aren’t you ready to get on with your life?” When someone passes we have things to do and we tend to do them. Are we then going through the motions and avoiding the emotions?
Frequently Asked Questions
Is grieving a sign of weakness?
No. Grief is a natural and healthy response to loss. Allowing yourself to feel and express it takes courage and helps you heal.
Why do people feel pressure to hide their grief?
Many of us were taught to be strong, keep busy, or not cry in front of others, especially men and parents. These messages can make people bottle up grief rather than work through it.
Should I hide my grief from my children?
Children benefit from seeing healthy grieving. Sharing your sadness in age-appropriate ways shows them that feelings are normal and that the family can support each other.
Why do others push me to make big decisions after a loss?
Friends and family may want to help you move forward, but major decisions like moving or selling a home are usually best postponed until the intense early grief eases.
Where can I find support for grief?
Talking with trusted people, joining a grief support group, or seeing a grief counselor can help. Fox Valley Institute offers grief counseling in Naperville and by telehealth across Illinois. Call (630) 718-0717 to get started.
Additional Resources:
https://fvinstitute.com/stepfamily-life/
https://fvinstitute.com/setting-boundaries-can-bring-a-family-closer/
https://fvinstitute.com/5-tips-blended-families/
https://fvinstitute.com/improving-togetherness-by-making-family-time-a-scheduled-event/
Connect with Us:
Written by the Fox Valley Institute Clinical Team
Our licensed therapists and psychologists see clients in our Naperville office and by Telehealth anywhere in Illinois. Questions, or ready to get started? Text or call (630) 718-0717 or email clientcare@fvinstitute.com. 640 N River Rd Ste 108, Naperville, IL 60563.
Find a therapist in Naperville
Visit our staff page and easily find a therapist that aligns with your unique needs and preferences.
What our patients say about us
Connect with Us: