Emotional Responding: How to Meet the Emotional Needs of Others

• To be loved, trusted, comforted, confident, respected, needed, believed, wanted, listened to
• To belong, relax, trust, love
• Spiritual needs
• Intimacy needs

In responding to the emotional needs of others, the following would be unhelpful approaches:

• Neglect “you can figure it out on your own”
• Criticism “lighten up, it’s not that bad”
• Advice “next time you should…”
• Minimize “it’s really not that big of a deal”
• Anger “that makes me so mad!”
• Self-reflection “that happened to me once”
• Complaints “that was so embarrassing”
• Avoidance – using humor to change the subject

Responding to emotional needs in the following ways would be more helpful to those you care about:

• Listen for their need- which one is are looking for to be met?
• Listen carefully- give them your full attention, do not do something else at the same time you are attempting to listen. This will make the other person feel dismissed. As you listen be sure that you are understanding.
• Listen more- take in what they are saying, do not formulate a response in your head as they are speaking. Reflect back what they are saying, this will help them to feel heard.
• Respond- show empathy, meet their need, do not make it about yourself! Use feeling words to communicate, “I am sorry you had to go through such sadness.” Ask questions when appropriate; what do you need from me or what I can I do to be helpful?

These ideas just scratch the surface on meeting the needs of others in a healthy manner. We will continue to look at this topic in depth in future blog posts. For now, try to implement these techniques with a loved one and pay attention to the results!

Frequently Asked Questions

What does emotional responding mean?

Emotional responding is the skill of noticing and meeting another person's emotional needs, such as feeling heard, comforted, respected or understood, instead of reacting with advice, criticism or distraction.

What are some unhelpful ways to respond to someone's feelings?

Common unhelpful responses include minimizing the problem, jumping to advice, criticizing, getting angry, changing the subject with humor, or turning the conversation to your own experience.

How can I respond better when someone is upset?

Listen to understand rather than to reply, name the feeling you hear, show you care through your words and presence, and ask what would help before offering solutions.

Why do emotional needs matter in relationships?

When emotional needs such as trust, comfort and belonging are met, people feel safe and connected. When they go unmet over time, distance, resentment and conflict tend to grow.

Can counseling help us communicate more supportively?

Yes. Individual, couples and family counseling can teach practical listening and responding skills. Fox Valley Institute offers counseling in Naperville and by telehealth across Illinois. Call (630) 718-0717 to get started.

Additional Resources:

https://fvinstitute.com/emotional-unavailability/
https://fvinstitute.com/depression-in-men/
https://fvinstitute.com/a-regular-checkup-is-good-for-the-mind-as-well-as-the-body/
https://fvinstitute.com/are-selfies-a-sign-of-a-mental-disorder/
https://fvinstitute.com/dependent-personality-disorder-diagnosis-and-treatment/
https://fvinstitute.com/highly-sensitive-people-strengths/