Social Media: Setting Boundaries With Your Child

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Mother sitting beside her daughter at a laptop, guiding her through what she sees online

In today’s world, there is virtually no escape from technology and social media. From infancy to adulthood, there is an application for almost everything. Infants and toddlers are drawn to bright lights, vivid colors, and melodic tunes. Older children enjoy testing their skills and having opportunities to create, with more advanced games like MineCraft or FortNite. Before you know it, your child is requesting their own social media account. They may want to join Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, or one of the countless others. As a parent, what do you do?

Set Boundaries

As a parent, it is necessary to set boundaries for your child. Parents are responsible for making sure their children are appropriately dressed, clean, eat balanced meals, educated, and are taught to act responsibly. Responsible use of technology is no different, in that it too requires appropriately setting of boundaries.

Model Appropriate Use: As a parent, we are models of behavior for our children. This requires demonstrating moderation and responsible sharing of photos and personal information. There’s an opportunity here to have a discussion about what is deemed appropriate and reminding our children of the everlasting effects of what they share on social media.

Supervision: Parents should be able to supervise their children’s use and interactions on social media. This will require the parent to have full access to their children’s usernames and passwords to all social media accounts. Children will often resist this boundary wanting to have their privacy. While their desire for privacy is valid, safety is most important.

Obligations Come First: Any and all responsibilities should be complete before using social media. This includes homework, chores, and other miscellaneous tasks that are assigned.

Respect: Demand that children always remain respectful on social media. Cyber-bullying is a real thing. Teaching children that the internet is not an acceptable place to put others “on blast” when they are angry or upset. While the internet may seem like a safe or anonymous place to vent frustrations, there are very real consequences for inappropriate postings.

Now what?

Now that you have set appropriate boundaries, it should be smooth sailing from here, right? I am afraid not. Adolescents are smart and crafty. They are notoriously gifted at finding loopholes to their parents’ rules and boundaries. There are a few things to remember when you are trying to monitor your tween or teen’s use of social media.

E-mail: Signing up for an e-mail account is far too easy for a young person to do. They can easily lie about age for consent or access. This means that your child MAY be able to sign up for an e-mail account without your approval or without your awareness, and thus, may have access to content that is inappropriate.

Second Accounts: So, what would a teen do with an e-mail account that mom and dad don’t know about? Sign up for other social media accounts that mom and dad don’t know about of course! It is not uncommon for a teen to have multiple usernames for various social media platforms. There is the “family friendly” account that is monitored meticulously by mom or dad that the teen can post most of their information. However, there is often a second, separate, account that parents may not know about that is used for friends. These second accounts tend to have more personal information or thoughts, and can hold more concerning information, such as posts alluding to depression, drug use, or other unhealthy behaviors.

Alternate Devices: Some parents will use their teens phone or electronic devices as a way to impose consequences. While this is often a very effective punishment, teens will find ways around these restrictions. Teens will sometimes turn to their friends to be able to access their social media accounts from their device, particularly if they have an account that mom and dad are unaware of and are unable to monitor.

So, what is the Bottom Line?

Bottom line, it is going to take a good relationship with your teen to be able to effectively monitor their use of social media. As a parent, you should be setting boundaries, meaning you should model good use of social media, have access to their accounts, make sure that their responsibilities are met, and ensure they are interacting with others respectfully. However, many adolescents thirst for their freedom and privacy and may feel that they need to have their own accounts. Given the ease of access, signing up for an additional account is tantalizing.

Frequently Asked Questions

What age should a child get social media?

Most major platforms require users to be at least 13, but readiness matters more than age alone. Consider your child's maturity, ability to handle conflict and pressure, and willingness to follow family rules before saying yes.

How do I set social media rules for my child?

Agree on clear rules together, such as time limits, which apps are allowed, privacy settings, and no phones at meals or bedtime. Write them down and review them as your child grows.

Should parents monitor their child's social media?

Yes, especially for younger kids. Knowing passwords, following their accounts, and checking in regularly helps you spot problems early. Be open about monitoring so it builds trust rather than secrecy.

How can I model healthy social media use?

Put your own phone away during family time, think before posting photos of your children, and talk openly about what you share and why. Kids learn more from what you do than what you say.

What if social media is affecting my child's mood or behavior?

Watch for withdrawal, sleep problems, anxiety, or changes after being online. If concerns persist, a child or teen therapist can help. Fox Valley Institute offers counseling in Naperville and by telehealth across Illinois. Call (630) 718-0717 to get started.

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Written by the Fox Valley Institute Clinical Team

Our licensed therapists and psychologists see clients in our Naperville office and by Telehealth anywhere in Illinois. Questions, or ready to get started? Text or call (630) 718-0717 or email clientcare@fvinstitute.com. 640 N River Rd Ste 108, Naperville, IL 60563.